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Post By Hatman Thu Jan 06, 2005 at 09:11:42 pm EST |
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Hatman: Quest For Completion Chapter Eight - "A Fresh Perspective" | |
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Hatman: Remember, you want to accelerate gradually. Too quickly and you’ll stall the LairJet. De Brown Streak: I know that. Quit back seat piloting already, wouldja? Hat: Look, this wasn’t my idea. Since I had to fly to Seattle anyway, Sir Mumphrey wanted me to check you out on piloting a LairJet. DBS: You better not be checking me out. Hat: You know what I mean. DBS: So why do we have to go to Seattle anyway? Hat: I have a meeting with Gideon Book. DBS: Isn’t that the guy that FreakBoy! works for? Hat: That’s the guy. The owner of Odyssey Opportunities. He has a public relations campaign for the Lair Legion he wants us to take a look at. Since we don’t officially have a PR Consultant anymore, Mumphrey asked me if I could take a look at it. DBS: So what’m I supposed to do while you’re in your big meeting? Hat: I don’t know. Grab a coffee, take in a movie, doesn’t matter to me. DBS: Can’t I just, y’know, go home? Hat: Sure, and I’ll just take a cab back to Paradiopolis. DBS: I don’t need this crate to get back. Hat: You’re telling me you’re faster than the LairJet? DBS: If I didn’t have to go around things instead of over them like the plane? Yeah, I could take it. Hat: Sure. Whatever. DBS: You always this snobby to new recruits? Hat: You saying you can dish it out but can’t take it? DBS: I just thought that a senior member of the team should make the new guy feel welcome. Maybe you’re just worried that next to me you’ll look like you’re standing still. Hat: Maybe I would make you feel welcome if you acted like you deserve to be welcome. As I recall the last recruit, Mr. Epitome, and I got along just fine. DBS: That’s cause you’re both tools of the Man. Hat: We are not. DBS: It’s in your job description. Senior Tactical Advisor and Emergency Services Liaison to the Man. And the Man don’t like mutates like me. Maybe that’s your problem, that I’m a ‘mutie’. Hat: That’s an absurd stance considering the various people I’ve served with in the Lair Legion over the years. DBS: Alright, alright, I’ll give you that one. You’re still a Tool of the Man though. Hat: Think what you like. I’m secure enough in myself that I don’t need to repeat myself. DBS: Tool. Twenty minutes of awkward silence. DBS: So…I heard from Mac that you were on some sorta quest for your Tool Belt a couple months back. Hat: My Hatility Belt, and I’ve had to put that on hold, what with the Transworld Challenge and the debacle with the Hellraisers. It’s really only a matter of waiting now anyway. DBS: Waiting? That doesn’t seem very questy. Hat: The woman that stole the Belt won’t be found unless she wants to be found. I was going to ask the Dark Knight to take a crack at it but he and Finny are deep undercover right now and as such are incommunicado. DBS: So you’re just gonna sit around on your duff and wait? Hat: Not much else I can do. It just takes patience. I realize that’s something you’re not terribly familiar with. DBS: I’m extremely patient. You all just move so slow that it seems to you that I’m impulsive. Hat: Anyone ever tell you that you’re extremely cocky. DBS: Only the ladies. Hat: Ugh. Anyway, we’re approaching Seattle now. Radio in for clearance to land. DBS: Like they’ll give me permission to land this thing. I’m a wanted terrorist, remember. Hat: Just give it a try. DBS: Fine, whatever. Seattle Tower, this is De Brown Streak of the Lair Legion, requesting permission to land. Um, over. Air Traffic Controller: You’re clear to land on runway 3, LairJet. Welcome to Seattle. Over. Hat: See. The name of the Lair Legion means something. Maybe if you play your cards right you can make use of that name to help your fellow mutates. Get ‘the Man’ to sit up and pay attention without being labeled a terrorist. DBS: Maybe. So, how’d I do? Hat: Little rough on the landing, but I’d say you’re good to go. If you really want to you can run back to Paradiopolis, but I shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours. DBS: Later! Hatman disembarks from the LairJet. Hat: Wow, I can’t even see him. Maybe he is as fast as the jet. Suddenly ninjas appear out of nowhere and surround Hatman. Ninja #1: I must ask that you come with us, Hatman. If you do not surrender, the Ass Raping Ninjas will have no recourse but to take you by force. Hat: Too bad he isn’t equipped with a radio like the jet. To be continued… |
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